Shadow Ideas
Temptingly distracting pursuits
I experience an oddly specific feeling walking around trendy boutique homeware stores. They offer a blend of aspiration and ease, curated in a style of serene warmth, that conjoins quirkiness and refinement. In there, I can instantly imagine being the type of person whose home contains their tiny handcrafted bowls, unstackable espresso cups and the fragrance of an iced matcha candle. I’ve had that same feeling recently while percolating on an idea for a new writing project. In my mind I can envisage being the person who writes those specific types of pieces. It neatly ties together the disparate parts of my life in a way that feels gloriously right on paper. There were no barriers to starting, and yet I didn’t.
Now someone else I know has created that exact thing. The writing is good. The name works. The project feels like a natural embodiment of that writer. I expected to feel pangs of jealousy while reading it but…didn’t…Seeing my vision played out in the world made me realise that this particular path probably isn’t for me. I like the idea of being the person who creates that kind of writing. I could still become that person. I don’t feel ready to completely let go of the idea but if I’m honest with myself there is something about it that doesn’t fully resonate. I wonder if it’s a shadow idea? A thing to do in lieu of the thing I actually want to do, which at this time still remains a mystery to me.
I read this piece by Stephen Pressfield on shadow careers about two years ago and it always finds a way to the forefront of my mind in these moments.
Sometimes, when we’re terrified of embracing our true calling, we’ll pursue a shadow calling instead…But a shadow career entails no real risk. If we fail at a shadow career, the consequences are meaningless to us.
Are you pursuing a shadow career?
Are you getting your Ph.D. in Elizabethan Studies because you’re afraid to write the tragedies and comedies you know you have inside you? Are you living the drugs-and-booze half of the musician’s life, without actually writing the music? Are you working in a support capacity for an innovator because you’re afraid to risk being an innovator yourself?
Humans are self-justification machines. We often waste our time circling around, avoiding what it is we actually know we want to do instead of doing it. Equally, we can waste our time on a path we have convinced ourselves is right despite the obvious signs it’s not, instead of figuring out what would work better for us. Both of these options are startlingly alike, usually shrouded in the same lack of awareness or limiting beliefs. The task it seems is to see the path you’re on for what it really is and to decide if it’s the one to be continued with.